Twelve months ago I didn’t even know what a doula was. Not really at least.
Now writing this article five weeks postpartum, I can say that working with doulas has made the transition to motherhood one that is filled with joy. I want to share my experience and describe the different types of doulas, so you can see if working with one (or as in my case many) is right for you.
If there is one thread that has run through our experience working with doulas, it’s one of non-judgement. As a new parent you’re constantly questioning yourself, navigating feelings of shame and insecurity about your body, and you need to learn so much about this new person in your life. All three of the doulas we worked with created a safe space for me to work through these feelings and as a result I’m a better mom.
If you want to skip my personal story, you can read more about the different types of doulas and support they provide below.
Our decision to work with a birth doula
Once my husband and I got pregnant I reached out to Erica Chidi Cohen, a widely respected doula, knowing that she runs a community and educational facility for new and expecting parents called LOOM. After meeting with Erica I knew that we wanted a birth doula, someone to help advocate for us during the delivery and help me manage pain.
As it turns out, having Erica at the birth of our daughter was one of the best parts of the entire experience. She was a person I could reach my hand out to when a contraction was coming on, she gave her whole self to me and my husband as I muddled my way through hours of back to back contractions, she helped validate my decision to receive an epidural without shame or judgement, and she empowered me to push in a way that worked for me.
Taking the leap on hiring a postpartum doula
Prior to having our baby, we struggled with the decision of whether or not we should hire postpartum doulas, often referred to as a “night nanny/nurse.” It’s important to note that night nannies and postpartum doulas are not the same thing, doulas have gone through training whereas nannies have not. Doulas also offer different levels of emotional support and try to help educate parents on everything from feeding to sleep schedules.
I talked to everyone I knew who had hired a postpartum doula and they all said that hands down, this was going to be the best money we spent as new parents. I didn’t really “get” how it worked and thought that the price tag was a little out of our reach and it seemed a bit frivolous. Oh how wrong I was!
At the recommendation of Erica, we hired a team of women in Los Angeles who help parents make the transition through the “fourth trimester”.
Postpartum doulas can support your family during the day or at night, and my husband and I decided that nights were where we would need the most support, given how important sleep was to us prior to having a baby.
This team taught us so much about our baby and new life: how to read her cues, they offered us both emotional support as we shared our birth story, helped me navigate my insecurities about my healing body, taught us how to bathe our baby without having her shriek like a pterodactyl, and perhaps most important, they took care of our newborn baby while we got some much needed rest.
Getting sleep is no small thing when you have a newborn baby. They rotated evenings and would watch our baby from 9 PM-3 AM while we were in the bedroom next door able to sleep, only waking up to pump (in the early days before we introduced a bottle they would bring in baby to nurse). Then before they leave, baby is placed back into the crib in our room and we take it from there.
There are a million different ways you can work with postpartum doulas, it is up to you and your family’s unique needs, that’s the beauty of it all. They fill the cracks.
Different types of doulas
It’s important to note that many trained doulas can play all three of these roles and some prefer to specialize in one area. Please ask any doulas you interview about their experience, ask if they have had formal training, if they have recommendations and if they have insurance.
Fertility and loss doulas
Fertility doulas work with couples who are trying to conceive or adopt a child. And loss doulas specialize in supporting families who support women after still birth, abortion, adoption, and SIDS.
Birth doulas
Most people are familiar with birth doulas, who are present during your labor and delivery and work as your personal advocate. Doulas are there to support and serve you and your partner: they can massage you during contractions, help make sure your birth preferences are adhered to if hospital staff are being pushy, encourage your partner to step out of the room if they are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, etc.
Our doula was hands on and physically massaged me during each contraction, thereby drastically reducing the pain I experienced. She helped me talk through my options around receiving an epidural, she helped me understand how far along in the birth experience I was, she told the tone deaf nurse to go away when she was trying to get me to sign papers while I was clearly in the middle of a contraction, and so much more.
Perhaps most important, Erica was someone in the room that I didn’t feel like I needed to take care of. I knew that our doula didn’t need tending to and in fact, she was there to tend to me. That was an empowering and reassuring feeling in an otherwise foreign situation.
Birth doulas vary in cost based on their training, experience and what city you live in. Pricing ranges from $500-$5,000 and should include several pre-birth consultations and one or two post-birth visits in home.
Postnatal doulas
Postnatal/partum doulas are there to support your family after you bring baby home. They help teach you about how to care for your baby, they can do meal prep/cooking, light housework, offer remedies for healing from a vaginal birth or c-section, emotional support to both partners, breastfeeding and lactation advice, and as I mentioned above, they provide the space to let you sleep!
Our postpartum team was available via text 7 days a week, which provided a wonderful outlet and resource for me when I needed to vent about how I was feeling, or needed advice on how to introduce a bottle and pacifier, how often I should be feeding our baby, and all the million other questions that arise when you’re a new mom.
Similar to birth doulas, postpartum doulas range in costs based on their experience, but they typically charge by the hour. Prices range from $25-$50 an hour. *Start saving now, believe me, it’s worth every penny.* To give you an idea, we booked MKDoulas for two weeks and extended it two more weeks! Just ask our friends, they have all commented on how relaxed and well rested we look!
Where to find a doula
If you live in LA, please check out LOOM and read more about my experience and their birth classes HERE.
The long and short of it is that doulas played an important an profoundly special role in our transition to parenthood. I am grateful for their support and hope that you too can find women in your life to help make the first few moments of motherhood ones that are filled with joy.
I’m happy to answer questions you may have below, I know I had many when we were deciding if this was the right path for us!
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